Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
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