My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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