you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
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