i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
Randomize
