He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
Randomize
