so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
Randomize
