oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
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