dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
i dont even know how to be here
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
Randomize
