You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
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