I used to have a blog that was basically all about ****** and all of his sexual misadventures
I mean it made tucker max look like a fucking alterboy
But unfortunatley his mom did a google search and found it
put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
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