i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
