I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Randomize