I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
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