mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
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