Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
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