to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
im holly from the hills drunk
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
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