you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
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