fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
So squirting runs in the family.
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
Randomize
