at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
Randomize
