So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
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