Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
I met the friendliest cop last night
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
Randomize
