did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Randomize
