i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
i always forget guys have bellybuttons
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
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