hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
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