so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
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