the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
sick fucks of a feather flock together
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
Randomize
