Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
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