She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
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