who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
Come back. Shots need mouths.
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
Randomize
