dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
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