My pussy is not your playground.
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
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