does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
i think i scared a bird with my dick
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
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