I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
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