If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
Randomize
