Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Randomize
