Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
