Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
Randomize
