Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
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