I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
Randomize
