We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
Randomize
