guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
Randomize
