ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
Randomize
