Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
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