Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
