yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
