i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
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