fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
I just blew my weed a kiss
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
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