How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
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