I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
Randomize
