Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
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