i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
