OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
Randomize
