I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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