so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
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