My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
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