the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
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