I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
Randomize
