nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
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