my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
1 stripper is 160/hr. 2 strippers is 280/hr. it would be fiscaly irresponsible to only get one.
Eating in charleston sc at a seafood place called "hymans". Like normal I had no problem finding it.
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
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