Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
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