No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
I have fence marks all over my body
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
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