DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
Just high enough for therapy.
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
Randomize
