i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
Randomize