I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
PS: I just woke up from my shower
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
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