When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
Randomize
