Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
time to smoke my breakfast
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
Randomize
