i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
Randomize
