Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
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